Greetings from Seneca to Lucilius.
You sent me a letter through a "friend of ours," as you call him. And in the next sentence, you advise me not to discuss with him all the matters that concern him, stating that you yourself are not used to doing this. In other words, you affirmed and denied that he is your friend at the same time.
If you used the word "friend" casually, like we call candidates in elections "honorable sirs" or greet people whose names we don't remember with a simple "my dear sir", then you are understood. But if you consider any man a true friend, even without the full confidence you have in yourself, you are mistaken about the true meaning of friendship.
I would like you to discuss everything with a friend, but first you must evaluate the man himself. When friendship is established, you must trust completely; Before forming a friendship, you must judge carefully. Many people make the mistake of making a man their friend before evaluating him, rather than evaluating the man and then forming the friendship. Think long and hard before admitting someone into your inner circle; but once you decide to welcome it, do it with your heart and soul. Talk to him the same way you would talk to yourself.
As for you, although you should live in a way that trusts yourself, certain matters are conventionally kept secret, but share all your worries and reflections with a friend. Consider him loyal, and he will be loyal. Some people, fearing being deceived, end up teaching others to deceive, and their own distrust gives their friends the right to be suspicious. Why withhold a word in the presence of a friend? Why not feel completely at ease and open when you're with him?
There is a class of men who reveal to all they encounter matters that should be shared only with close friends, pouring out all their sorrows upon the listener. Others, on the other hand, fear trusting even their closest friends and, if they could, they would not even trust themselves, burying their secrets deep in their hearts. Both attitudes are flawed. Trusting everyone is a naive mistake, while trusting no one is safer but equally problematic.
You must criticize these two types of men: those who are always looking for movement and those who are always at rest. The incessant desire for hustle and bustle is not synonymous with diligence, but rather with a restless mind. Likewise, true tranquility is not found in condemning all movement as annoyance, for that kind of comfort is just laziness and inertia.
Therefore, follow Pomponius' advice: "Some men cower in dark corners, to such an extent that they see darkly during the day." Men must balance these tendencies; those who rest must also act, and those who act must also rest. Nature teaches us this lesson through the alternation between day and night.
Stay Strong. Stay Well.
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